CURRYBOND #16 Kolam + License to Kill

The Curry Leg

We're past half way but the finish line is at least another two Bond's away...CURRYBOND fatigue was starting to set in with some, not least the mug who thought a bi-weekly blog post about eating a curry and watching a Bond film was a good idea. But with the wheat separated from the chaff, the cream risen to the top and men certainly sorted from the boys we commenced CURRYBOND #16 with those hardened CURRYBONDers.

Our venue is Kolam. One of those that certainly fits into the often-overlooked category on Tooting High street. It's close to Tooting Bec and proudly advertises itself as South Indian. We kick things off relatively promptly and take our seats in a comfortable setting, with cushioned seats and tablecloths! We're also greeted by perhaps the smiliest waiter/Maitre D so far.

Venue Score - 6.2/10.

The starters commence. Finally an onion bhaji on offer and not just that, there are two other bhaji varieties available! We sample an onion and an aubergine as well as a good stack of poppadoms. Unfortunately the variety isn't quite matched by quality as we are presented with two plates of brown mis-shapen discs that most closely resemble those potato smilies Jamie Oliver spent his adult life trying to eradicate.

Bhaji score - 3/10.

The mains on offer have a familiar air with many a South Indian establishment under our belts we're now experienced connoisseurs of the sub-continent. We plump for Goan Chicken, King Prawn Kurma, Lamb Kurma, Chicken Keerai, Chicken Masala, Lamb Bhuna and a Special Masala Dosai. We're excited, hungry and lagered up with bottles of Cobra....we wait...a while. Then finally our mains arrive with Pilau rice and Garlic Naans. The curry is good, pretty tasty but everything is a similar shade of deep red. Over the past 15 curries I have come to realise that if all the curries look alike they probably taste pretty similar, as was the case with Kolam. The naan was also quite disappointing, lacking garlic and too crunchy.

Food score - 6.9/10.

Approaching 9pm I'm not feeling good about the number of CURRYBONDers that will maintain consciousness throughout the Bond leg...We get the bill after a bit of a struggle attracting Mr. Smiley which comes in at £116.55 that's £16.65/CURRYBONDer. Not bad value considering beers were on offer.

Value Score - 6.1/10.

Kolam therefore suffers from a similar plight to many a Tooting curry establishment, it's good but you could walk 5 minutes spend £10 less and probably be happier with your evening.

Overall Score - 6.7/10


The Bond Leg

It's late. Possibly the latest start to a Bond leg after a short bus trip to The Gorringe. Two CURRYBONDers didn't even make the journey and there are yawns a plenty. Let's hope Timmy Dalton's second and final effort at the Bond franchise can maintain our attention.

We kick things off at a wedding. Who's wedding? None other than Bond's CIA chum Felix Leiter. You would be forgiven for not recognising him straight away as we are on our seventh different Felix! And (spoiler alert) that's before he turns into a black man...

All is well until Felix decides to do a little DEAing on his special day and hops in a chopper with Bond to apprehend our bad guy, Franz Sanchez best known I think as one of the FBI Johnsons in Die Hard. We're also introduced to Bond girl number 1, Sanchez' girlfriend who's only role seems to be lounging half naked in beds, towels, sheets etc. Chase ensues, bad guy escapes in private jet until look-out! Bond's been on a fishing holiday and wants to try out his latest casting technique with a helicopter!

Bad guy hooked. Bond and Felix parachute back to the church in time for the wedding, skills. And...titles, which is another great 80s Bond theme provided by Gladys Knight.

Back to the action and bad guy Sanchez is on his way to the clink until he bribes anyone in earshot with $2million and before you know it he's being escorted out of his prison car, underwater by divers, to safety. That's one efficient escape plan. He quickly takes his revenge on poor Mr and Mrs Leiter with the aid of chief henchman, a rather lithe and youthful Benecio Del Toro. They kidnap Felix, murder Mrs Felix and start feeding him to sharks! Jesus, this new Bond is brutal! Who needs Daniel mega-pecks, bring back Dalton!

Bond discovers said vengeful acts courtesy of a rather pithy murder note and gets mad. Really mad.

He gets summoned by M after some mild vigilantism and is told to let it go. But Bond is mad! dice boss man, Bond quits MI6! License to Kill revoked! Bond legs it after getting shot at by British agents.

To be honest the next roughly hour and a half consists mainly of Bond chasing around Panama after Sanchez and his drug baron antics.

He meets this girl, and...ya know..........

This guy's head explodes.

Q wears a moustache.

This truck drives on its side!

That's pretty much all you need to know. Needless to say bad guy dies, drugs get blown up, Bond bones the girl and numerous CURRYBONDers fall asleep...

The Dalton era therefore goes out with a strong start, some fun action, good Bond girls but a healthy chunk of tedium in the middle. License to Kill scores:

Girls n Gadgets - 7.0/10

Cheese - 3.8/10

Action - 7.4/10

Overall - 7.0/10

CURRYBOND #16 gets a total score of 6.9/10.

CURRYBOND will return in Saravaanah Bhavan + Goldeneye