CURRYBOND #14 Dawat + A View to a Kill

The Curry Leg

 It seems CURRYBOND is not immune to the lure of warmer climes, not sitting in a darkened room watching aged knights of the realm and eating things that don’t set your insides aflame...Summer claimed a number of CURRYBONDers. We are therefore slightly depleted from our previous record showing.

Our latest venue for the Curry Leg comes in solid curry territory, half way between Tooting Broadway and Bec. Dawat stands out amongst the Lidls and Aldis of the high street with a bold sign and shiny interior. I arrive on my lonesome, with no CURRYBONDers in sight, just held up on the tube or did they get run-over chasing that pesky Squirtle across the road…My time alone gives me the chance to ponder the menu on offer. Fortunately there is a hard copy as well as the entire selection also presented on a display above a cafeteria style counter which is a hive of activity. The venue therefore is shiny, bold and busy, the toilets however were best avoided so I hear.

 Venue Score - 5.8/10

 Fortunately I'm soon joined by two of the most reliable CURRYBONDers, Rimmsy and Jobbers, back to make up for his first CURRYBOND no-show. On a pleasant Summers day we search around for a refreshing Cobra to quench our curry thirst, but alas, Dawat is yet another completely dry restaurant. As a few more attendees flow in we get our Lassi on and line up the starters.

Again no Bhajis, the bible is missing whole chapters now! We plump for Pakoras, Samosas and Puuris along with a stack of Poppadoms. There's mild concern as we see our starters collected from the mounds kept behind the counter. Our fears, it seems, were justified with all of the deep fried, supposed to be crunchy bits, being soggy, not very hot and generally a bit nasty. Fingers crossed then for the mains...when we're able to order...the service is a little tardy. The restaurant does fill up, but it's not heaving, so excuses were few.

Our curries looked promising, certainly appear more fresh than the first course. I plump for a Degi Methi Gosht which is thick with spinach and spicy gravy and decent hunks of lamb. The Chicken Tikka Masala is good, but after a dozen previous reference curries this certainly doesn’t stand out. Accompaniments were good and the ever bold George's Legacy persuades Rimmsy to partner up on a Chilli Naan which arrives packed with green flecks of vicious scovillebusting surprises...needless to say we ordered more lassis. The verdict therefore is mixed, and reflected in a fairly average

Food Score - 5.8/10.

We are left with the inevitable curry remains and for the first time a curry doggy bag is called for and George's Legacy goes away with a mixed curry package ready for a Curry leg re-run for lunch the next day.

The bill arrives and is somewhat unhelpfully listed with random numbers...seems about right and comes to £86.76 which was £17.35/CURRYBONDer. Considering we were on lassis rather than lagers, it's relatively steep.

Value Score - 4.8/10.

After some disappointing starters, decent curries with a hefty price tag Dawt receives an

 Overall Score - 5.6/10.

Dawat therefore joins it's high street cafeteria neighbour Lahore Karahai at the bottom of the leaderboard.

 

The Bond Leg

So with a smaller cohort of CURRYBONDers and no word from The Gorringe, we go for a retro Bond leg and rock up to casa la Chairman for some furniture rearranging and homemade Martinis.

Our film is A View to a Kill...Now, the Bond franchise is certainly not shy about challenging titles (Quantum of what!?...we'll get to that…) but if you just take a second to think about it you'll soon realise it's a grammatical disaster area. Let’s hope the film is more thought through…

 We kick off with another literal cold open with a ski chase, classic Bond fare.  After some fun times skiing action Bond comes a bit of a cropper and is left on one ski, no probs he picks up a single giant ski and proceeds to invent snow boarding accompanied by a beach boys sound track! After a glide across an icy lake, James dives into an odd looking iceberg which handily doubles as an MI6 funded sex-sub with complimentary blonde bombshell...I'm going to miss the Roger Moore era.

The titles come with another iconic 80s Bond theme provided by Duran Duran, so far so James Bond.

We're back in Blighty with the MI6 big hitters and Q is providing us with his best explanation of the plot to come. Bond came back from his Siberian sex triumph with a microchip...they're all the rage these days...this particular fella was made by Zorin Industries, and if they're like any other xxx Industries from the Bond annals it's a safe bet they're manufacturing bad vibes as well as Mcguffins.

So it's off to visit Mr bad guy, Max Zorin played by genuine actor bloke Christopher Walken. We're treated to the grandest of grand French cribs, Chateau de Chantilly, who's stables are more elaborate than a special episode of Cribs set in Buckingham Palace, hosted by Michael Jackson. A host of horse based action ensues including a whole series of events around doping race horses which subsequently appears to be completely meaningless for the plot other than an incredible microchip which has been developed to dispense drugs to horses...high tech.

We're also introduced to a rare female henchperson, Mayday, played by the ever angular Grace Jones. Who's wardrobe seems to consist of lycra body suits and 50 foot scarves which can only be worn wrapped around every limb. Her first job is to infiltrate the ever popular French butterfly dangling show in the Eiffel Tower and murder some French dude with a sharp butterfly on a fishing rod...innovative. A chase on the tower ensues and Mayday makes her escape by basejumping into gay Paris.

Back to the seamlessly taught plot and it's revealed that Zorin is in the employ of the recurring KGB Kingpin General Gogol. Alas, it seems roided up horses aren't Max's only passion, it appears the dastardly plot is another one for economics fans. Aboard the first of a number of blimps in this film, the plot is revealed to be flooding Silicon Valley by inducing giant earthquakes and thus jacking up the price of his horse spiking microchip business. I guess it has some good geological superweapon elements…

We then enter the slightly boring, incoherent section which is familiar theme in Bond films where stuff happens, there's a chase in a fire engine, Bond hooks up with a really hot Geologist called Sutton...not another one...and arrives at our showdown spot, a mine. Well I guess if you’re not going to put it on top of a mountain you may aswell go underground. Amidst the mining, and the fighting, and the tension Zorin double-crosses poor Mayday and she's left with Jimmy B to go kaboom on a shit tonne of dynamite! As the mine starts to flood our new pals manage to extract the detonator only to be thwarted by a dodgy mine cart! Must be left over from Temple of Doom...the set certainly seems to be. Mayday completes her rapid conversion to good guy by sacrificing herself as the real bad guy escapes...in another blimp.

Bond however has seen his fair share of escaping villains on a variety of aircraft, the blimp I feel is probably the easiest to catch up to and grab on. Our next sequence sees Zorin try to dislodge his pesky spy hanger-on by flying into the Golden Gate bridge. Bond hops off...I mean it's a blimp...and ties the ship to the landmark. We then get some hand to axe fighting action which sees Bond dumping bad guy off the bridge to consider his blimp based poor life choices as he plummets to his end.

Things are tied up with a very odd robot dog piloted by Q who's only purpose appears to be to spy on Bond and Ms Sutton having some shower fun. Someone really needs to check what goes on in Q branch these days.

So we draw the Roger Moore era to a close with a middling Bond with some nice iconic moments and characters but ultimately felt very long, pretty confusing and ultimately a bit of let down...despite the blimps.

A View to a Kill scores

Girls n Gadgets - 6.1/10

Cheese - 7.3/10

Action - 7.0/10

Overall - 6.7/10

 

Giving us an overall score for CURRYBOND #14 of 6.1/10.

 

CURRYBOND will return in Vijaya Krishna + The Living Daylights