CURRYBOND #10 Sree Krishna + The Spy Who Loved Me
The Curry Leg
£962, 67 Cobras, 29 Bond girls, 1220 minutes and a flying car later and it's time for CURRYBOND #10.
Our venue for the curry leg of CURRYBOND X is Sree Krishna. Self proclaimed oldest South Indian restaurant in Tooting. Founded in 1973, it's located just across the road from our last outing at the southern most reaches of Tooting High Street, flirting with the boundaries of Wandsworth and handily just around the corner from St George's in case someone orders a particularly ruthless vindaloo.
As we arrive at the scene we're welcomed by a rather forlorn looking Rimmsy who seems to have been ejected by Sree Krishna after I failed to get through to book us a table. Not the best welcome to kick things off...
Fortunately us CURRYBONDers are hardy souls so we make our presence felt and take our place on a rather Arthurian round table. 10 CURRYBONDs in and the wheat is beginning to separate from the chaff with some drop outs and no shows, only those truly committed to the CURRYBOND cause will sip from the holy grail of the Ultimate CURRYBOND Experience come December.
With our knights assembled we take note of our surroundings, which in the grand scheme of our curry odyssey is certainly more Camelot than Croydon...with table cloths, soft furnishings and a rather nice bar.
Venue score 7.2/10
Time to peruse the menu and there is certainly a good selection of South Indian specials alongside the core curry staples we know and love. Up first for this curry feast is Poori Masala, Prawn Poori, Cashew Nut Pakoda (aka deep fried nuts) and a couple Onion Bhaji's to enter into the good book of bhaji.
In general it's a good spread, everything tasty, the pooris are certainly fresh. We're treated to another bhaji in the rosti style. It's got a good crunch and nice accompanying raita. Not peak bhaji but pretty good 7/10.
Next up, the main event and we plump for a good mix of specials and classics with Lamb Methi, Chicken Malabar, Prawn Biryani, Goan Fish Curry, King Prawn Chettinadu, Cochin King Prawn Curry and Chicken Tikka Masala. We complement with Chappathi, Parathas and both Pilau and Coconut Rice. Things smell good, they look good, they taste good. That's pretty much all there is though, it's good, not great. So more Stoke than Leicester City, a solid-mid table performer but a place in the Europa League is all this restaurant can hope for.
Food score 7.5/10.
We should however address the service which was friendly enough but pretty slow and took some prompting. There is a BYOB policy Mon-Thur but apparently if you take advantage of the offer you also have to pay cash...for some reason. This was only revealed at the end of the meal so we had to dig into our wallets to find enough moolah to cover the costs. A heads up at the start would have been nice. It's also just as well it's a BYOB as the bill comes in at £99 that's £16.50/CURRYBONDer. The service charge of 10% was also added on automatically. All this adds up to a disappointing
Value score 4.5/10.
So perhaps more Gawain than Lancelot...Sree Krishna gets an
Overall score 6.7/10.
The Bond Leg
We're now comfortably in the Moore era, and I think it's fair to say so far the verdict is one good, one bad...very bad (Baron Samedi aside). So next up, the Spy Who Loved Me, a phrase I fear has been regurgitated on any number of occasions by discarded Bond girls. I guess it's better than that English bloke who slapped me, unzipped my dress and left me with a hangover and a trashed hotel room.
We commence with submarines, and uh oh, they're disappearing, bugger! Soviet ones as well, so we can't even blame the Commies! Bugger! Better get James on the case, what's he up to? Sex in a ski lodge....obviously. He leaves his latest conquest between the sheets and nips out for a quick apres-shag downhill until some disgruntled skiers mistake Bond for the guy who sets the lift pass prices and the shooting begins. We're treated to perhaps the best ski chase so far with some proper pumping Bond action music for once all topped off with Bond skiing off the mountain to reveal his union flag (that's right, he's not on a boat...) parachute just to confirm his unashamed patriotism. And titles...
Good start! And with a theme tune of "Nobody does it Better" and excellent title sequence full of naked silhouettes twirling around gun barrels and the like things continue in this vain. But, back to the plot and soon enough Bond is off on his travels again. Where haven't we been yet, OOO Egypt, let's do that. So Bond is tracking down some special sub-tracking device and before long he encounters his Soviet counterpart Agent XXX...I'm sure I've seen that on a website somewhere...I mean just something my friend showed me...Whilst the content of those particular films is different, the acting skills of this particular Bond girl are perhaps more suited to the XXX genre. Yes the beautiful Barbara Bach struggles to pull off the threatening KGB agent and instead lands on a stoney faced robotic interpretation.
Things pick up however when resident villain Karl Stromberg sends in his henchman...oh and what a henchman, Jaws! Literally! He has metal teeth and bites a shark to death! Works on so many levels...Richard Kiel has a terrifying unstoppable menace of vampiric Frankenstein's monster. One of the best Bond henchman and surely one of the scariest men ever to wear a duck egg blue suit. An inevitable chase, fight, chase scene ensues around some lovely Egyptian temples culminating in Bond + Bond girl escaping in a van after having the roof ripped off by Jaws!
Let's skip ahead to our next locale Sardina, lovely. Why do they end up in Scotland in Skyfall? It's about time we check out this evenings lair, oh it's a peach. A giant, submersible, alien space ship looking mega dome on legs!
Masquerading as a research lab...hang on someone tried that before! Bond turns up and obviously bad guy knows exactly who he is and orders his execution, but Bond has just had a delivery. A delivery from Q, in the flesh, it must be good. It's very good. A white Lotus Esprit, but the real magic is revealed once Bond drives straight off the pier. A press of a button and said car turns into a frickin' submarine! Perhaps the most iconic vehicle throughout the Bond series and the only reason why this not-at-all petrol head had a poster of a Lotus Esprit on his bedroom wall when he was 12.
Our next notable event finds our agents aboard a slightly more appropriately sized submarine with their American friends until disaster, eaten by a bigger ship, typical. So basically the You Only Live Twice space shuttle eater but in an ocean. The mariners are taken aboard the sub-munching super tanker and we're nicely set up for agood 'ole mass shootout. Bond promptly escapes, sets free the American chums and gets after the bad guys, again akin to the assault on the space base in You Only Live Twice, with fewer Japanese Scotsman...
The dastardly plot is also revealed by Mr Stromberg and boy is it dastardly. He basically wants to just nuke the world and start up his very own SpongeBob inspired existence underwater...about time we had a proper nut bag! To wrap things up, Bond destroys the subs, shoots bad guy in the face and winds up in an escape pod...in wet clothes...with Anna XXX...and champagne...need I say more.
So we tie things up feeling fully satisfied by our Bond experience. Good bad guy, excellent henchman, excellent lair, logical plot, great action, a submarine car and a pornstar! Ok not really, and to be honest the Bond girl is the only thing holding this Bond film back. CURRYBONDers score
Girls n Gadgets - 6.7/10
Cheese - 8.6/10
Action - 8.6/10
Overall - 8.4/10
So with our highest scoring Bond film to date Sree Kirshna + The Spy Who Loved Me gets and overall score of 7.5/10.
CURRYBOND will return in Spice Village + Moonraker